


Denial

by evening_spirit



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Depression, Gen, M/M, Suicidal Ideation, Worried Boyfriend, Worried father, complicated father/son relationship, hospital talk, i don't buy the narrative that owen and tk's relationship is "beautiful", i'm not nice to Owen and i'm not sorry about it, it's alright if you skip it, post episode 1x08 monster inside, tk in a coma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:43:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evening_spirit/pseuds/evening_spirit
Summary: TK isn't waking up and Carlos has a theory why it might be. It's not something Owen can easily accept as a possible explanation.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes & Owen Strand, Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star)/TK Strand, Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 25
Kudos: 184





	Denial

**Author's Note:**

> _**Denial** (in psychology) – a defense mechanism, in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality, is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality._

"Captain Strand, it's very hard, in such cases, to predict what is going to happen and when." The doctor tries to be patient, explaining things to Owen for the fourth or fifth time and Owen wishes he could just shut off his own impatience, his anger that TK isn't waking up, but he can't.

"It's been almost seventy-two hours."

"I know. All I can tell you is that his fever has gone down, there's no sign of brain swelling or any tissue damage. But he wasn't breathing on his own for several minutes, and even though there was no cardiac arrest and CPR, by trained professionals, was performed immediately, it's impossible to tell what the ultimate effects will be. By any medical standards, he should be awake already, or should wake up any minute." The doctor spreads his hands, unable to provide any more reassurance, and Owen wants to punch him. Or punch something, at least.

"It's almost like he doesn't want to wake up," Carlos, who stands next to him, whispers to no one in particular.

Owen's simmering anger bursts into a new flame.

"How can you say something like that?" he starts louder than is acceptable in a hospital and contains himself toward the end of the sentence.

The doctor raises both his hands in a placating gesture.

"It's not a matter of want or not-want in such cases," he says, looking at Carlos and for one Owen is glad the good doc is on his side.

Carlos shakes his head.

"He was depressed."

"He wasn't!" Owen bursts and Carlos gives him a look like he doesn't know anything, like he's not his son's father.

"Officer Reyes." The doctor's calm voice, more than his hand on Owen's shoulder, stops him from actually tearing Carlos a new one. TK wasn't depressed, Owen would have noticed if his son was depressed.

"For it to have such an effect," the doctor explains, "it would have to be clinical depression. If he was sad, or upset about something, we shouldn't really use that term."

Carlos turns to the doctor.

"He wasn't sad," he says. "He was numb. He told me a couple of times that he wanted to feel something and couldn't quite get there, not even with sadness or anger. It's like he didn't have the energy for it. His words, not mine. He was," Reyes hesitates, like he doesn't want to say it. His lower lip wobbles. "I think he was suicidal."

"Don't…" Owen can hardly utter the words. "Don't you dare."

"That's a very serious assumption," says the doctor in a careful, measured tone.

"He attempted," Carlos spreads his arms. "Back in New York, five months ago." He looks to Owen, partly challenging, partly seeking confirmation. Owen is not going to give it to him.

"No, he didn't." He utters. "It was not--"

Carlos cuts him off. "Just because you reported it as an accidental overdose, and thus effectively brushed it under the carpet, doesn't mean it actually was an accident!" His anger is as helpless as Owen's. "It was deliberate. TK knew what he was doing before he did it and while he was doing it. He didn't call for help. You finding him on time – that was an accident. That was unplanned."

Owen feels like he received a blow to the head. He refuses to take it all in, while bare facts are glaring him in the face and mocking.

"But after that…" he tries. "After, when we got here, he was fine."

"What was he supposed to tell you? He didn't want to worry you, you had enough going on."

Owen rubs his face. He can't believe it.

"He's my son. We always had this close relationship and we talked about everything." How could this happen? How did he miss so much about his son's life? "Why did he confide in you and not in me?"

The last three days… The last three days have changed a lot about his perception of TK and a lot of that change can be attributed to this man. Officer Carlos Reyes. Owen didn't even know TK's been seeing anyone. The man who knows what those initials stand for. Who, apparently, knows more about his boy's mental state than he, TK's own father.

Reyes is right; TK wasn't well and in hindsight it becomes obvious. He might even have tried to tell Owen that he was worried about him, that he was scared of losing him. The way he reacted to Buttercup? That was a dead giveaway. But then he… then he hugged the dog and Owen thought everything was okay.

TK was okay. He is okay, and the reason he isn't waking up can't be that, deep inside, he wishes he was dead.

"This isn't about you," Reyes says in a low voice. "For once, Owen, please, don't make it about you."

Owen looks up, meets the policeman's eyes and he wants to protest, but he knows Reyes has a point. He does have that tendency to make everything about himself. He has some explanation at the tip of his tongue, but Reyes breaks eye-contact and turns back to the doctor, who is still standing there, in front of them, TK's chart in his hand.

"Is there anything we can do?" Reyes asks.

The doctor shakes his head. "If there indeed was clinical depression, it might be a factor corroborating the condition. His coma may not be neurological, it may indeed be psychological. Granted, in a state like this, his brain heals itself – also from mental illness. To boost that healing, there's only one thing I can think of, and you two," he looks at Owen with a small smile, like he appreciates Owen's contribution. "You are both already doing it anyway. It's another human's presence. Talk to him, touch him, hold him, if you can. It's a mystery. But it often works."

"Thank you, doctor." Owen extends his hand. He's grateful for this appreciation of his efforts because no matter what Reyes thinks, he is trying. He is doing everything in his power to help his son.

The doctor leaves and Owen turns to the side, but Reyes is no longer there. He can see his back as he enters TK's room, he sees him sit by TK's bedside in the same spot he's been sitting for the past three days.

He's already there.

Owen furrows his brow as he watches the policeman. There is no higher priority for Reyes right now, than TK. His wellbeing, his comfort. And Owen has to wonder – had he ever really put TK first, before everything else? Before his work, before his passions, his goals? He thought he had, but considering how little he actually knew about TK, maybe he was wrong? Maybe he only cared about the image of his son he cultivated in his mind – his strong, resilient, survivor son. And whatever did not fit this image – all the weaknesses, doubts, depression – got dismissed. Maybe the real TK got lost somewhere in the process?

Owen has to put all his efforts now into finding him back. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for getting to this point.  
> I want to explain something here – I don’t think Owen is a bad person. I think he genuinely wants to be a good parent, but his issue is such as many parents have. They care more about their own image as 'good parents', than about actual wellbeing of their children. If kid’s everyday problems coincide with creating this image (Owen accepting TK’s homosexuality makes him a progressive and open-minded person, an image very much desired by him), we don’t even notice the dissonance. But when a child has a problem we don’t agree with (yes, I do that too, I try not to, but I made that mistake more than once), we tend to ignore it, get angry at the child, or push them towards achieving our goals (Don’t be afraid of me or the dog dying. Love the dog anyway).  
> I want Owen to realize that TK is a person separate from him. I don’t think I’ll get it, but at least I can have it in a fic, right?  
> I don’t know if any of you actually understand what I mean, but I hope at least someone does. :) This story was for you.  
> Thank you for reading.


End file.
